Levi likes it in the library. It’s quiet, and peaceful, and doesn’t feel like depression like it does at home. Home is dark. Home is a fucking mess. And even when it’s vaguely clean and the curtains are open, it still makes Levi feel trapped in himself. It’s hard to explain how your own home can make you feel like that, but it does. Levi tries to get out of the house as much as possible to stop it from feeling like a cage of depression. The more he leaves his apartment, the more it feels like his living space instead of a box he’s drowning in.
The library is the one place he can go to escape. It’s similar to home in that nobody bothers him, and the chairs are comfortable, and he can do basically whatever he wants here. It doesn’t cost him anything, and no one asks questions. It’s got a bit of a gothic vibe to it, the windows are a funny shape and the building is made of wood which makes him think that maybe as the guy who can’t control his very dangerous fire magic he shouldn’t be here. It could end badly.
Curved wooden beams. Ornate pillars. A variety of rugs.
Sometimes the silence is broken by teenagers who think the nonfiction section of the library is abandoned and they hide between the shelves and make out. It’s uncomfortable when that happens, because they don’t notice Levi, and they keep making horrible wet noises with their mouths and Levi has to listen to it while he reads.
Of course, he could always do this all on a computer, he could be literally anywhere that isn’t the local makeout spot but it isn’t the same.
Books remind him of home more than computers do. You don’t get nostalgia from hundreds of years ago by reading a webpage, but you can get something akin to it by finding an old book and leafing through that.
Though. This isn’t great either. Books about demons range from ‘horrifically inaccurate’ to ‘outright racist’ and this one seems to be leaning more towards the racist end of the scale. Levi flips through a few more pages, looking at them, trying to find some sense of familiarity with them, before making a judgement about this book.
It’s bad. It’s, like, really bad.
That one can go on the bad books pile too.
Levi slams the book shut and places it with the rest of the bad books, which is a pile several times more plentiful than the good books pile, which consists of two books. One of them isn’t even about demons or Hell. It’s about cooking.
After a while of sitting in the library and skimming books, the ‘good books’ pile is four books tall and that’s probably the highest it’s gonna get. Levi’s sure there’s lots of good books in the library, but he’s picky. And also ‘good books’ about demons are harder to find when you are a demon. Sure, any human could pick up a book about demons, or hell, even write one. But most humans can’t tell the difference between made up bullshit and actual information.
Levi picks up the bad books pile and carries them back to the returns trolley. It hurts like hell, he has to stretch his arms afterward because he thinks he might have broken something in there. He really needs to use his arms more because as he is now finding out, these muscles are useful. He picks up the far less unwieldy good books pile and takes it to the front desk.
“You spent a lot of time here to have only found four books.”
“I know,” says Levi, and the librarian leaves it at that. Thank god. This is what he meant by ‘no questions’.
He heads out with the good pile in his bag and the bad pile in that ‘trash’ folder in his brain.
Today was good. He found some books, he enjoyed himself…
It’s just kind of been great in general. Someone called him a dude, he’s barely felt dysphoric, he had a shower yesterday so he feels pretty clean as well and it’s hard to understand how nice it is to feel clean if you function well enough to remember to shower.
It sounds horrible to those who do.
Welcome to Levi’s life.
The bus to the library arrived right on time, it went through all green traffic lights, and then when he got inside he got a good seat near a window. So everything has just been pretty great so far.
Something hits Levi square on the back and he stumbles forward. He shoots around to see it-
Nothing.
Never mind. This isn’t a good day. This is a bad day. He is, once again, being attacked by something he can’t see. Probably a demon, probably trying to kill him, probably going to succeed. As always.
He closes his eyes and tries to listen for it, but it hits him again. It’s blunt and not too heavy, which isn’t much to go by, but it’s all Levi knows.
The Thing comes at him again, hitting him from the front. God damn it, can he have a second to think or not? Obviously not. Christ.
The next time it comes past, Levi is prepared. Around the time the thing will probably hit him, he punches out.
His fist hits something. It goes flying backwards as it turns visible, a streak of black ink in the air.
The first thing he sees is a mouth. Wide open, almost cartoony, with a row of nothing but long fangs. Like an angler fish, but with the body of a small man.
It’s a short little thing, it’s kind of pointy and goblin-y but also blotchy. It’s holding a pen almost like a pogo stick, it’s gripped on the top and it’s leaving drops of ink everywhere.
It lands and balances itself out before launching itself at Levi again.
As Levi jumps back, he’s struck with that same thought that comes at him all the time.
Why me?
But it’s because he’s the king of Hell, he guesses. He was never given a choice, not in this lifetime anyway, and he can’t give it up and even though it sucks he’s just going to have to deal with it. Not because he feels a sense of duty, or because he wants to.
It’s because he has to.
It’s because if he doesn’t, he’s going to be mauled to death by a pen goblin with horrible, horrible teeth.
He steps to the side and the goblin pen lands exactly where he’d been standing, the nib wedging itself into the ground and cracking the dirt around it. That would have hurt, to say the least, if it had landed on him.
Good thing it didn’t.
Levi knows he has to take some kind of action. For once, instead of just running or calling Shep, he has to do it himself. He can’t hide forever.
He’s just not sure he can. Will his magic work?
The demon jumps forward a bit, digging another hole into the ground.
Will he be able to protect himself?
It jumps again, this time landing right in front of Levi’s face. He has to do something now.
But will he be able to kill it? If he attacks, he takes the risk of-
It leans forward, pushing him down.
No. No time to think. He just has to act.
It’s a good day, he tries to convince himself. He should be able to deal with it.
Levi outstretches his arm, grabs it by the neck and then blazes up the fire. It gives an unidentifiable scream, like many demons do, with noises that can’t or shouldn’t be made by vocal cords.
It’s almost dead. It’s definitely almost dead. He’s actually done it, for once he’s protected himself and-
A flash of pink swoops in and lands the final blow.
Mother fucker.
The thing is thrown to the side and disappears as a pile of ash in the breeze. His favourite hit single.
Levi pushes himself up to see who his mystery savior is. He doesn’t think it’s Shep because Shep wouldn’t-
It isn’t Shep. It’s Shep’s weird boss.
“Batman?” asks Levi.
“Bantam,” she corrects, brushing herself off. “And I’m fine. Thanks.”
“I had that whole situation under control and you-“
Either she’s ignoring him, or she just wasn’t listening. “No need to thank me, I’m a guardian angel, it’s my job, et cetera. How are you, Levi?”
Well, he was doing wonderfully until a certain someone came along and messed it all up.
Levi doesn’t respond to her.
“Need someone to escort you home?”
“God, no,” escapes his mouth before he even has a chance to think about it. “I can walk home myself, thanks.”
“Are you sure? After that attack? There have to be more around.”
She’s playing a game here and Levi doesn’t like it. He doesn’t know what game it is, but she’s playing it, and he wants to know so he can play it too.
“Which way to your place? Really, it’d be much safer if I guided you.”
Oh. Okay. So that’s the game they’re playing. The ‘find out how to get to Levi’s house’ game. That isn’t a game he wants to play. Also, can’t angels just…use magic to divine the location of the people in their books? Surely magic could do something like that. How did Shep find him in the first place? This game is far more complicated than he originally thought. It’s a mind game, and he’s getting the feeling he doesn’t actually have a choice in this. Bantam is playing to win and he’s going to stop using the game metaphor before it gets any weirder.
Bantam knows what she’s doing. Levi can’t turn her down.
If he’s going to have to walk home with Bantam, he’s going to make it as difficult for her as he can.
Oh god he forgot how long the long way was. You’d think he’d have learned by now that the long way really is the long way but no he’s the world’s biggest dumbass.
“I thought you said your house was a five minute walk.”
Never mind. He’s gonna fuck with her. He’s gonna make this walk as unpleasant as possible.
“Are you saying it’s been longer than five minutes?”
“It’s been almost five minutes, and you’ve shown no signs of recognition or any of the buildings here. You haven’t started to look for your keys, either.”
“Well, sue me.” What’s she expecting him to do? Do a little dance as they approach the front door? “Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s a six minute walk. Or seven. Besides. Aren’t you a guardian angel or whatever? Shouldn’t you know-”
“A bit.” She seems pretty indifferent about the fact that she’s like, you know, supposed to be saving him. For all he knows, she was there the whole time. Watching him. She probably was. Not to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but she’s an angel, she knows everything, and she wants him dead.
Or. It was just an unfortunate coincidence. After all, she did at least try to save him at the end.
Even though he had the whole thing under control.
But how was she supposed to know that? She’s a guardian angel. It’s in her nature to save people. Even if they don’t need to be saved.
“You’re a pretty fucking terrible guardian angel.”
“Maybe so.”
…She is a guardian angel, right?
“I’m guarding you on your way home, though, so I can’t be all that bad.”
“I didn’t ask for that!”
“No one ever does.”
Levi groans and continues along the path with his hands in his pocket. Who the fuck does she think she is, apart from Shep’s boss and leader of hundreds, if not thousands, of guardian angels?
Ah.
Now he realises that this may be more of a problem than he initially thought. Bantam is powerful. Bantam has control.
He’s in danger.
She’s still following him when they reach his front door. He sure hopes she’s planning to leave now, because he has no polite excuses to get rid of her, and having worked out that she can and will kill him the moment she finds out he’s the King of Hell, he really doesn’t want to insult her.
“So, Bantam,” he says, fumbling for his keys and trying to stop his hands from shaking. “Got any plans for later today?”
“Well, actually, it’s about time for another meeting with Shep. He usually comes over here right about now, actually. Mind if I come in and wait?”
Shit. Fuck, is what Levi wants to say. God damn it, no, get out of his apartment, leave, go somewhere else-
“Come right in,” he says instead, gesturing inside as the door swings open.
He’s so stupid. He’s so fucking stupid. He is going to regret this no matter the outcome. Why is his first instinct to be polite? He should just be able to insult people whenever he wants to. He’s the King of God Damn Hell and-
Bantam walks inside. Levi shuts the door behind her.
Fuck. Shit.
Fuck.
Levi sits on his couch. Bantam has decided to take a seat too.
She didn’t ask. She just took it.
Levi has no choice in this matter.
“So how’s Shep been treating you?”
Ah, back at the bullshit question thing again. Typical Bantam. What does this mean? Levi doesn’t know, but he should probably come up with a fake answer before Bantam chokes him to death or something.
“He’s. Good,” says Levi.
“You’ve been hanging out a lot,” says Bantam.
“He’s-” Wait, fuck, Bantam isn’t supposed to know that Levi knows that Shep is his guardian angel. “We’re friends.”
“Hmm,” says Bantam, but it doesn’t sound like she believes him. “He comes to your house a lot.”
“We’re not gay,” says Levi even though he is gay and Shep is also gay. He means they’re not gay together, and he’s trying to protect himself and Shep and he’s realising that saying that they’re not gay when she hasn’t even asked seems kind of very suspicious.
“Right,” she says, and doesn’t elaborate. God, this is getting worse by the second. Every conversation with her is the same. She knows exactly how to get to him. He has to get her out of the house before he regrets everything.
“I just have no friends.”
He’s not sure if that makes it any better.
“So he’s been a good guardian angel?”
Isn’t Levi…like…not supposed to know that?
Maybe this is an elaborate plan to do some weird double bluff thing to test his trust or something ridiculous like that. Maybe she’s trying to figure out how much he knows.
Either way. He can’t give Shep away like that.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“We both know that’s a lie.”
“Wh-” Ha ha. She- she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She’s bluffing. “What’s a lie?”
“Right, Leviathan?”
Oh. Christ. Oh, God, she isn’t bluffing, she isn’t supposed to know that. She isn’t supposed to even draw the connection between- she- no- aw fuck he’s gonna have to do something to deal with this.
“Who’s that?”
“Are we playing this game? Really?” she smirks. “I recognised you the second I walked in here. Not that I needed to. We had you flagged long before you and I met. You are, without a doubt, King Leviathan of Locria.”
Oh, shit, that’s way more than she’s supposed to know. That is dangerously specific.
“I can even tell you which specific number reincarnation you are.”
“I don’t want to know that!” he blurts out before he realises what he’s saying. God, he’s just bungling this whole thing. He should just accept his death now.
He doesn’t really want to, though. Maybe Bantam will have mercy.
Or maybe he could keep playing the clueless game yeah that sounds like fun he’s going to keep playing the clueless game. “Well, what if this is all a mistake?” he points out. It’s not a good point. He’s really running out of options here.
“Highly unlikely. Our systems are horrifyingly accurate.”
Now that was something he could agree with here.
“It doesn’t matter, though, I’ve confirmed it myself. I don’t need a supercomputer to tell me that you’re-“
“Alright, I fucking get it.” Levi was already dead and buried long ago. Anything else she said was just to pile more dirt on his grave.
This is going to be a difficult hole to dig himself out of. “What’s your point? What do you want me to do? Stop being a demon?”
“Sure,” she says. “Sounds good.”
“You know I can’t do that.”
“But you can stop talking to Shep.”
Wait. What?
Why?
“Before you came along,” she says, a hint of anger creeping into her usually calm voice, “he was ours. He knew angels were good and demons were bad. He knew his place. And he knew where he belonged in society.”
“What? At the bottom tier? Getting shit on for no reason other than-”
“Exactly. He’s an angel who doesn’t know magic, he’s hardly one of us, but we took him in. We let him be a guardian angel even though he could never truly do the work properly.”
“Then why did you-“
“We assigned him to you because we thought he’d do a bad enough job that you would die.”
Well. Fucking. Ouch.
“It would solve all our problems. We wouldn’t need to kill you, and Shep would see that he isn’t made to be a guardian angel. But, well, now it looks like he might actually be competent. And now you’re filling his head with ideas. You’re telling him it’s okay to waste time, you’re telling him that anything is possible. You’re showing him that disobedience is good. And we can’t have that.”
“You’re showing him that he isn’t allowed to enjoy himself. You don’t care about Shep. You only care about what he can do for you.”
“So?” Bantam shrugs. “Why does it matter? Shep will never know the difference.”
Levi grits his teeth and closes his eyes and breathes because he doesn’t want to fight her but he doesn’t like this. He knows how Shep’s been treated, he knows how hard Shep has worked to get to this stage.
But Bantam doesn’t care about that.
“I’m giving you three days. Either you cut Shep out of your life, or I’ll tell him who you are. Either way, it will end well for us, and you have a good option and a bad option. Who knows what will happen when he finds out? You know how much he hates demons.”
Bantam smiles.
Levi hates her smile. Levi hates her.
“Enjoy your time with him while you can.”
He doesn’t know what to do here. He doesn’t know if there’s anything he can do to save himself. At this stage, it doesn't really matter what he does, Bantam knows who he is which means she could tell Shep which means Shep will know and then Shep will kill Levi and then Levi will die. Or Levi could leave Shep like Bantam told him to and never see him again and let Shep live the rest of the life under an oppressive society he doesn't see as oppressive because he lives in the society and then the guilt will keep Levi awake at night and he'll never let go for the rest of his life and then he'll die alone.
They're both bad.
A knock on the door breaks his spiralling thoughts and for a moment he thinks he’s saved but as soon as he realises that it’s Shep at the door he knows it’s about to get worse. Bantam being here is basically the worst thing that could happen except for Shep walking in while Bantam's here.
“Don’t say a fucking word,” says Levi.
“I won't,” says Bantam. “For three days, anyway.”
Levi glares at her once more, then slowly turns the door handle.
As expected, it's Shep. He waves awkwardly, then looks past Levi into the room. “Oh, uh, hi, i- if you're busy with something I can come back later-“
“Don't worry, we're all finished now. Right, Levi?”
“Right,” Levi says through gritted teeth.
“I was just waiting to say hi, Shep. I'll head off now.”
Is it that easy? It can't possibly be that easy. She should be digging her heels in and gripping the couch. She should be gluing her hands to his floor. She's- she's just leaving? Like that?
…she never came here for Shep in the first place, did she? She came to warn Levi. She came here to fuck up any semblance of happiness he's had ever.
Now that Shep's here, she can't do any of that.
Bantam waves and heads out the door, Shep watching her in stunned silence.
“Why did she come here if-“
“I don't know,” says Levi, even though he does.
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